Forgiveness - Jan 27 2024

 

Forgiveness

Jan 27 2024

I try to count up

all the times I've been forgiven.

The times I let go

and forgave myself.

The times it wasn't deserved,

but generosity of spirit

prevailed.

If back then

I failed to express it

I'm truly grateful for this.

It's said forgive and forget,

but it seems the forgetting is harder.

Like went the judge instructs the jury

to ignore what just was said,

can they truly disregard

inadmissible evidence?

After all, once heard

there's no unhearing.

If you believe in such things

they tell us that God forgives our sins

if we truly repent.

Which is seraphically magnanimous,

but I wonder if making amends

shouldn’t be a part of it.

And that should we transgress again

His Old Testament wrath

will come down that much harder.

But back to counting up.

Which turns out be zero;

I have yet to forgive myself

and move on,

the past nullified

lessons learned.

The example of a loving God

is lost on me;

I suffer for my sins.

Like the tortured monk

in his spare ascetic cell,

taking ice cold baths

and flagellating himself

to subdue his carnal desire,

I am hard on me.

Forgiveness is a high art.

Perhaps, with a lifetime of practice

I will master it.

But for now, I'm learning to live with myself,

who I was

and who I hope I’ve become.

Like an old couple

in a bad marriage

still trying to make it work.