Wednesday, April 15, 2026

Play Therapy - April 13 2026

 

Play Therapy

April 13 2026


Is there play therapy for grown-ups?


I’m tired of talk.

The pills bung me up.

And introspection is like a tub of tepid bath water

with grey scum on top,

spiralling down the same narrow drain

but never emptying out.


How about blocks

a waterslide

musical chairs?

Or, for adults, board games and playing cards

with low stake bets?

Potato sack races

with menacing strangers,

hide and seek with therapists,

British bulldog with your ex?


Could that be it, I’ve forgotten how to play?

When I could just as well

make paper airplanes with the mortgage,

arm wrestle the taxman

best two out of three,

or visit my parents’ graves

and do calisthenics on the grass,

instead of rehashing the past

and casting blame.


Simple play

like every kid just naturally does.

No winners or losers,

just a field day

when school’s out

and all that counts is fun.


I was idly flipping pages, and “play therapy” caught my eye. No context, just the words. My immediate thought: why just for kids? So I couldn’t help but start noodling around with the idea.

I’m of a generation that doesn’t go to therapists, or for that matter, easily open up. But I introspect constantly, and even worse, tend toward dark rumination.

But what if psychology isn’t the answer? Maybe the problem isn’t a failure to go deep, it’s living too much in your head:  too self-aware and self-absorbed; too much navel gazing. What’s wrong with a little distraction and denial, with the cleansing power of exercise and friendly competition?

Tuesday, April 14, 2026

The Shameful Admission of a Change Averse Man - April 12 2026

 

The Shameful Admission of a Change Averse Man

April 12 2026


I feel apologetic

admitting to my dislike of spring.

Am I that dour, sour, and curmudgeonly

that the return of the sun,

the greening of the earth,

and the season of rebirth

all leave me cold?


But what about the mud, I say,

the bugs,

and even the sun?

So unaccustomed 

it blinds my winter-weak eyes,

and angled so diabolically 

every dust ball stands out

like an accusation of sloth.


I run hot

so the colder the better.

While the long nights are a refuge

of star-filled skies

and quiet walks.

And who doesn’t delight in thick wool socks

and a cozy fire?

Even snow days are prized,

the white stuff

softening the world and muting its noise,

while I’m happily confined

by impassable roads.


A paean to winter

from a change averse man.

Who sits, listening to the dripping eaves

and shading his eyes.

Who hopes for another sub zero night,

snuggled under his comforter

in a cold dark room,

dreaming pleasant dreams

in restorative sleep.


But not reveries of potholes

soiled snow

and illicit dog poop

thawing in the heat,

but snow angels

northern lights

and wild winter storms,

when the world mercifully stops

and time magically slows.


Nothing odd about me being different. More than eccentric, I’m almost diametrically at odds with the norm. So is it really unexpected that the older I get the more I love winter? That unlike my peers, the last thing I’d consider would be fleeing it, another snowbird over-wintering in Arizona or Florida. I like the cold. I like the long nights. I like the stark beauty of a real winter. And not just the peacefulness, but the adversity. Never mind not having to constantly clean and dry the dogs. Who themselves are exhilarated by winter and are bad in the heat.  

(Although I must also concede that spring has its compensation:  not only baseball’s opening day, but the day when every fan has a first place team!)

 

Man Plans, God Laughs - April 10 2026

 

Man Plans, God Laughs

April 10 2026


The word “tragicomic” came to mind.

Perhaps this is life’s version of physics’ holy grail

the theory of everything;

after all, what doesn’t it describe?


There is dark humour

black comedy

and laughing it off.

You can be is wryly cynical

or make light

of seeing life’s absurdity.

And there are best laid plans

laughed at by God,

Man’s tragicomic dilemma. 


We grin and bear and carry on

suspecting that in the end

it comes to nothingness;

I suspect it’s not just me

who’s a nihilist

making the best of things.


I like the internal tension of the word,

the conflicted feelings it represents. 

That no emotion is pure.

That life is complicated.

And that we somehow muddle through

at war with ourselves,

laughing and crying,

loving and hating,

and shrugging with resignation

at the existential foolishness

of this improbable life.


It amuses me

how two things can be true

all at once.

So I wait for the next bad news,

then shake my head and smile through it

knowing that this too shall pass.

That comedy

is tragedy plus time,

and I can always console yourself

that when the worst happens

I’ll have a great story to tell.


Not Worth the Trip - April 9 2026 (REVISED April 14)

 

Not Worth the Trip

April 9 2026


The far side of the moon isn’t dark,

there is no “dark side”.


Is this a misunderstanding

or could it be metaphor?

After all, might as well be dark

since it’s kept from our eyes.


But knowing my fellow man

I suspect hubris;

that the universe

must be how it’s seen through human eyes,

and what we can’t see

no one can.

Perhaps doesn’t even exist;

as if we were infants

who have yet to learn object permanence,

baffled

when someone vanishes 

behind the couch.


But now, we have photographic evidence

and it’s what you’d expect,

a bleak lunar landscape

resembling pumice stone;

fine regolith

bombarded by meteors,

and a horizon line

that sharply divides light from dark.

Where a single  step

would take your blood

from vaporized to ice.


Not worth the trip, I’d say.


But then, your eyes fix

on the crescent of earth peeking over its edge,

suspended

in the vacuum of space

like a blue and green jewel on its black velvet bed;

the rarest gem

in a forbidding universe. 


How we never see ourselves, but should.

A living planet

smaller and more fragile

than we ever imagined from here;

spaceship earth

on its journey through the cosmos.


Where we breath the same air

and depend on its life support.

Where we are all astronauts,

taking for granted

our only home.


This photo was taken from Artemis II as it looped around the far side of the moon; our first return to deep space in half a century (excluding unmanned probes), and far enough away to see the entire earth as a sphere.

Scientists always knew the far side wasn’t dark, but the misnomer persists. Inaccurate, but a decent metaphor for something we can’t see anyway. Or hubris:  if it’s dark to us, then it must be objectively dark, dark to anyone anywhere. 

In finally opening our eyes to the far side, we ended up opening our eyes to ourselves. 








Friday, April 10, 2026

A Simple 3-Letter Word - April 6 2026

 

A Simple 3-Letter Word

April 6 2026


I forgot all about joy.


In my search for happiness

was I cheating myself

by aiming too low?


But it’s impossible 

to engineer such ineffable moments,

a high

that brings to mind 

words like wonderecstatic, transcendence.


To be joyful.


When you’re outside of yourself

and your petty concerns,

in the moment

and fully immersed.

When you’re feeling at the same time

dwarfed by the world

while filled with an awe

that leaves you everywhere all at once.


It’s been so long

I start to wonder

if I ever even was.


It seems easy for a child

when everything’s new

and you aren’t afraid to lose yourself.

Their faces give it away;

they haven’t learned to hide

how they feel.


The very old 

who have their health and are wise enough 

seem to find joy as well.

It’s in the small things, they’d probably say;

too bad the old

are easy to ignore.


An author on parenthood

called it no fun, all joy

and maybe she was on to something.

Maybe it’s not in the moment.

Maybe it’s the wholeness, not the parts.

And maybe you don’t even know it at the time.


I think back hard

and I do remember joy.

As I’m sure you must:

first kiss

first love

the birth of a child.

Or was it the unexpected thank-you note,

that tiny hand in yours,

the tenacious early blooms

poking through an April snow?


That like happiness, if you make a plan

it never works.

That like happiness

the more determined you search

the more elusive it becomes.

And that like happiness

you don’t achieve joy, then lock it away

like the prize you spent your lifetime seeking;

it’s not a place

or steady state

that’s an end in itself.


When the question was asked “when did you last experience joy in your life” it came as a shock. Joy? Wow, that’s a big ask; not something I actually walk around expecting. Is it already there, but I’m just not receptive — too dour, too closed, too set in my ways? Is it something you can make happen, an act of will? Or am I past it, too late in life for joy?

Really, it’s a word that never comes up:  when was the last time I even said “joy”?  So I thought that I might as well say it in a poem. After all, it’s easier to write a loaded word than say it out loud.

The In-Between Time - April 5 2026

 

The In-Between Time 

April 5 2026


It’s the in-between time I fear.


When I can feel it slipping away

concentrate harder

and try to persuade myself

it’s just a momentary lapse.

Stubborn denial,

even though deep inside 

I know how it will end;

an uneven descent

into dementia

I’m powerless to stop.


When I can’t find the words

lose my place

or wander aimlessly

but brazen through it,

just waiting

for my compass to kick in

and I can laugh it off.


Until I can’t

and the fear takes over.


I can only hope

that when I finally lose myself

and am irretrievably gone

the fear and grieving will go as well.

That I will be happy

in my reduced state of humanity

not knowing what I’ve lost.

That lack of self-awareness

will be my saving grace.

Who cares

if I can’t feed or dress myself 

or recognize faces,

not even my own.


Of course there’s no way to know

what interior life persists

in those spectral men

in soiled underwear

slumped in chairs that face the wall,

the bewildered women

lying stiffly in bed,

clutching blankets

with cadaverous hands

wrapped in paper-thin flesh.


No way to know, but one can surely suspect. 

Especially when a spark of who they were

flashes briefly out

from that impassive face,

a familiar smile

twinkle of eye

or cock of the head.

A spark

that never catches fire. 


Is it one way glass

where only we can’t see in,

or opaque

with nothing going either way

but vague reflections

of a distant past?

 

My understanding is that dementia often unmasks one’s true character. (Similar to the way alcohol unmasks, resulting in congenial drunks as well as belligerent ones.) That this core self somehow remains after most everything else is lost. It could be happy, dour, impatient, angry, paranoid; outgoing or closed; taciturn or loud. And we also know that long term memory often remains intact. So there is something going on in there, some sort of interior life. One can only hope that one’s essential temperament is happy acceptance!

But before that, when there’s still insight into one’s decline, I don’t imagine anyone could be happy. So what I fear is not the end stage of dementia — even though that’s probably much more disturbing to those around the sufferer — it’s the beginning. 

This piece by Atlantic staff writer Ashley Parker inspired the poem. It’s beautifully written and bravely confessional. 

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/2026/04/death-dementia/686552/?gift=7KKUTeeJruMo0n11oQFrLvujAbcNgBhyM2ujgcbwhbc


Tidal Forces - April 4 2026

 

Tidal Forces

April 4 2026


You know the type.

They attract.

They’re charismatic.

They have this outsized gravity

that draws people in,

as if they were made of denser stuff

than the rest of us;

their rocky inner planets

to our gaseous outer ones.


Some, like comets, slingshot around them,

feeling the attraction

and fizzy in the heat

before turning tail and flying off

in the long eccentric orbit

of a fickle dilettante.


Some, like the moon, circle close,

keeping their distance

in a binary system

in an intimate pas de deux.

But still, exerting their own tidal force

however small.


And some fall

spiralling-in faster and faster; 

not the earth around its sun

but a black hole

there’s no escaping from.

Who knew

that a star could be so cold,

that its gravity

could tear you apart,

that beauty and charm

could turn so toxic?


That he was a psychopath 

all along.


Saturday, April 4, 2026

The U-Shaped Curve - April 3 2026

 

The U-Shaped Curve 

April 3 2026


I am well past the age of acquisition.


All the shiny things 

I hardly used.

That broke, burned-out, became outmoded.

That made me no happier.


The inanimate objects

they promised

would transform my life.

Or did I delude myself

that such a thing was possible?


Now, if anything, it’s the age of loss.

Lost time, health, promise.

The people who have gone,

either dearly departed 

or given up on me.

The wonky hip,

knees

not as limber I’d like,

and life

more and more restricted

as my circle cinches tighter.


How losses can accumulate

is an oddity of language,

as if less could get you more.

Which is like water into wine,

the miracle

of the loaves and fishes. 


But since I’m not religious 

why things have gotten better

is a mystery to me.

Why I’m less stressed, more settled,

less pressured

more introspective, 

less judgmental 

and more forgiving

than the self-righteous teen

impatient young man.


Perhaps less really is more,

keeping it simple

and stripping the fat.

Fewer wants and things,

fewer false beliefs,

fewer illusions 

about myself.


Even the beginning of wisdom,

however flawed

and incomplete. 


They say that — in general — happiness in life follows a U-shaped curve: bottoming out in middle age (sandwiched between dependent kids and needy parents; by and large disappointed with how life turned out; financially stretched; more aches, pains, and physical limitation), then steadily ascending into old age. When instead of acquiring things, you’re divesting, culling, and simplifying life. 

Of course, freedom from things is mostly a good kind of loss: you realize most of that stuff was simply dead weight and dust collectors. But even with all the less desirable losses, life somehow gets better. Go figure!


Muddling Through - April 1 2026

 

Muddling Through

April 1 2026


I’m not sure about the good life.


I see all the bad lives

that flourish,

the vices

that are blithely brushed aside

with boys-will-be-boys.


I read of philosophers

in esoteric debates,

who in private asides

scorn their colleagues’ notions

of living well.


I see good lives

I wish I could emulate

but know I’m not built that way,

if not by nurture

then nature,

or that I sabotage myself

by attachment to the status quo. 


All in all, though, it seems simple enough.

Things like loving, and being loved

and being worthy of it,

living with purpose 

and finding meaning in the end. 


Simple, but I struggle with each of them.

Have found comfort is easy,

contentment not so much.

And find myself envyious

of the lives of others

who seem to have figured it out.


But as hard as is the good life

is to truly know

what their lives are really like;

appearances are one thing,

but who knows what surprise

lurks behind closed doors.

The inscrutable other,

constructed from guesswork

and unconscious projection

of our own flaws and needs. 


So I muddle through,

age ungracefully,

wonder ruefully

how it will end.


Am amused

by those earnest philosophers

who over-think,

die of drink,

or end in obscurity,

their densely written treatises

out of print or burned.


Perhaps the trick

is to pick one thing

to make getting through it easier.


Acceptance seems good,

tempered with humility;

the good life,

muddling through

with the humble understanding 

I’m not the centre of the world.


The real key to the good life is to live it like a Lab:  always thrilled, up for anything, masters of living in the moment. And unstinting in uncomplicated love. I envy my girls:  no over-thinking; no need to be in control. They don't dwell in the past or fret about the future. Enthusiasts to the end. 

They also have no knowledge of death. Good or bad?  I'm still not sure!


The House at Number 48 - March 30 2026

 

The House at Number 48

March 30 2026



Future historians will be scratching their heads

about the rise of the Reich

and the Hitler youth

goose-stepping down Kurfürstendamm

in the torch-lit shadows 

of Kristallnacht. 

Because apparently

no one was a Nazi back then.


The war generation

who seemed positively offended

the question had even been asked;

of course they opposed the Nazis

even resisted,

and instead of stealing from their Jewish neighbours

insist that they hid them

like the good Christians they were.


And the following generations

who are genuinely ignorant 

that their forbears were complicit

or had simply looked away;

going about their business

like any good German

who follows the rules.


Yet these descendants still quietly live

in the houses that were stolen

and never returned

to the dispossessed Jews,

admire the paintings

that were the ill-gotten gains

of their Aryan overseers.


All perfectly legal, of course,

because such regimes

are scrupulously by-the-book,

as if ticking-off every box

absolves them of their crimes;

a bureaucratic army

of diligent scribes

documenting every detail

of the 1000 year Reich,

never imagining a future in which

they’d incriminate themselves. 


Fortunately, while individuals forget

the nation doesn’t.

There are monuments, memorials

and laws against;

an exemplar to the world

of owning up to history.

Collective guilt

as cover,

official remembrance

for the many injustices

never punished or made good.


Of course, the world goes on

as it rightly should

so why not forget?

Why not bury old hates

instead of disinterring skeletons

resurrecting bad blood?

Why give the laid-to-rest a second life

and let grievances fester

instead of letting them lie?


Because if truth is the first casualty of war

and its progeny are stillborn

then history gets rewritten,

revision distorts,

and impunity wins.


And because if history’s not to rhyme

let alone repeat

we must not only remember the past

but also acknowledge

our common humanity.

That we, too, would have owned slaves

condemned the gays

and murdered Jews,

slaughtered Tutsis

and rounded up the Kosovars. 

Or pick your own atrocity,

so many come to mind.


Because it’s too easy

to demonize the perpetrators;

they aren’t the devil’s spawn

or the progeny of aliens,

they are us.

And like us, they were products of their time,

immersed in the culture

as are fish in the water

in which they swim.

After all, accepted norms have changed

and the past was a different place.


And even now, enlightened as we think ourselves

human nature dictates

that the tidal force

of conformity and contagion

too easily swamps our better angels

and sweeps us out to sea;

blaming “the other”

and seduced by purity

 — purity

the great bugaboo

of true believers.


But even if we had gone along to get along

and kept our heads down

could we claim innocence?

Isn’t wilful blindness

just as complicit?

Bystanders

not denying, as the bad actors will

or pretending to have resisted,

but simply deflecting

as if we didn’t know;

shoulders shrugging and hands turned up.

Conveniently forgetting

so the judgement of posterity

will not fall on us.


When historians dissect the body politic

like forensic pathologists

searching for what went wrong

how will we defend ourselves?

Will the blood be scrubbed from the killing floor

the murder weapon disappear?

All the circumstantial evidence,

prepared for burial

in a mass grave

or unmarked plot.


https://www.bbc.com/audio/series/m002l4ys

Not the kind of poem I want to write. Because it sounds preachy and self-righteous. Because it’s a topic better suited to prose. Because there’s too much to say and it goes on too long. And most important, because it should be self-evident. 

I was certainly raised with an unambiguous knowledge of the Nazi atrocities and their loathsome ideology. But we live in an unfortunate age of gross historical revision: of forgetfulness, denialism, and vile prejudice; of anti-semitism and revisionist apology.  Amazingly, a generation is coming of age ignorant of this seminal event in human history. The educational system has failed, and social media has poisoned what’s left. 

So unfortunately, a poem like this is a necessary corrective. And as I listened to this podcast — which distills the history of Naziism into one small personal story — realized that while it was interesting enough to me, there are so many young people for whom this story would come as a revelation. I can just hear them saying “who knew?”!!

Are the people living in 48 guilty of wilful denial? Or are they genuinely unaware, protected from the truth by previous generations? The podcast makes the point that while Germany as a nation is an exemplar in acknowledging its historical guilt (btw, putting Japan to shame), the granularity of history is missing:  the individuals, who are still benefiting from their forbears’ complicity. To quote Faulkner: “the past is never dead. It’s not even past.”

So many possible titles I might have chosen: ones that might tempt a reader, or one that would highlight my most heartfelt point. But instead, I chose to pay homage to the story that inspired this. An intriguing title in itself, one that I imagine might arouse a potential reader’s curiosity. Which is one thing a good title should do.