All the Murders I've Seen - Sept 23 2023

 

All the Murders I've Seen

Sept 23 2023

I've never even held one.

Witnessed dozens of murders

on film and TV,

read the sociology

ballistics

and statistics of guns,

but nothing first-hand.

Except the Daisy BB gun

I tried as a kid.

No kick,

bad sights,

and too toy-like

to feel like John Wayne,

but still

I couldn't get enough.

Even though I missed

by a long shot,

not just the bullseye

but the target entirely.

So many years, but I get it still.

The feeling

of invincibility.

My finger

firmly on the trigger

itching to shoot.

And the lethal aesthetic of guns  —

the cool heft

in gun-metal grey,

the short sharp sound

of precisely milled parts,

and the hot smoking barrel

after the shot.

Self-protection, they say.

Forgetting

that when everyone is armed

no one's safe.

And now, all grown-up, I know better

than to be seduced by its charms.

The world isn't out to get me.

There are no meth-heads

terrorists

rapists

in my backyard.

I go out defenceless

and suffer no harm.