Sunday, April 30, 2023

Date Night - April 30 2023

 

Date Night

April 30 2023


Coffee cups

used condoms

orphaned gloves

appear out of the snow,

as the sun warms

days lengthen

and a desultory rain

nibbles away

at the dregs of winter.


A height of land

where the trail begins

and they keep the parking lot plowed.

Where pimped-out cars are idling,

windows fogged-up

and heavy bass thumping out

a jungle beat

of basic urges.


It smells of half-burned gas

and fast food,

the skunky funk of pot.

Blue exhaust

hovers over the lot,

held down

by the mass of cold soggy air.

Engines purr

headlights beam

cars rock.


Date night

in lovers' lane.

Which makes me think of summer days

and sultry nights,

but here

even in winter

the cars congregate.

Young people

snogging and cuddling

or hoping to get lucky,

while older couples

are either reminiscing

or killing time.


Some hikers walk by

heading for the trail,

intrepid outdoorsmen

who are dressed for rain

and ignore the cold.

Who slog on slushy paths

through icy puddles

in falling light.

Who like a brisk walk;

out with their dogs

and best buds,

or accompanied by lovers

hand-in-hand.

Who look around

a little judgmentally;

wondering why here

in cramped interiors

on cold vinyl seats?


But either way

good exercise

on a damp night

on the cool cusp of spring.


Saturday, April 29, 2023

Tempered Glass - April 29 2023

 

Tempered Glass

April 29 2023


The pushy driver

giving me the finger.

The supermarket clerk

with the sarcastic one-liner.

The man on the sidewalk

who brusquely shouldered by.


People are angry.

Always were,

but it seems different now.


My fuse is also short.

Because life is more frustrating than before?

Because emotions are contagious,

self-righteous rage

so delectable?

Or because the internet

   —  where we can be nameless

and unaccountable  —

has given licence to our worst selves?


Of course, it was even shorter

when I was a kid;

if not temper tantruming

then bristling inside.

Like nitroglycerine,

simply jostle me

and I'd explode.


But now, older and wiser

I control myself.

Even though life is hard,

it seems the world

is falling apart,

and there's a general sense

of unfairness

and disillusionment.

So the safeties are off

and we're all on hair-trigger.


I smiled back at the guy,

apologized

with a guilty shrug.

But he still flipped the bird and leaned on his horn,

flooring it

to make up for lost time.


I caught a brief glimpse

of the set of his eyes

thin line of his lips;

a car length

and 2 panes of tempered glass

all there was between us.


A distance

that makes it easy to act out.

And a distance

that saves us from ourselves.

From bad words.

Slap fights and punch-ups.

Fully loaded guns.


https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/01/charles-duhigg-american-anger/576424/


Duct Tape and Spackle - April 28 2023

 

Duct Tape and Spackle

April 28 2023


The renovation did not go well.

But when they reassured me

the place had good bones

I relented,

picturing sturdy wooden beams

a solid foundation.


The same

when it came to my own restructuring.

A tear-down would have been better;

the place thoroughly levelled,

leaving me a vacant lot

all the debris hauled away.


But how do you deny who you are,

renounce yourself?

Instead, the temptation is to tinker;

fussing around the edges,

rearranging the chairs,

making minor cosmetic changes.

Like fresh paint,

doing something with the hair.


Self-improvement.

Personal growth.

Actualization.

Sure.


Or complacency.


Continuing to live

in ramshackle comfort.

The place

nicely settled on its foundation.

The patina of age

that comes from benign neglect.

The familiar mess

you don't notice anymore.


So the contractor had to go.

And even though I’m not handy

was on my own.

Duct tape and spackle

recycled paint,

re-used nails

hammered straight.


At home with myself

behind closed doors.

Call it resignation

or call it acceptance.

Either way

same old, same old.


Niceness - April 27 2023

 

Niceness

April 27 2023





Have a nice day, the cashier recited,

before briskly moving on

to the next in line.


I vaguely recall

when the happy face first appeared

in popular culture;

how it took over the zeitgeist

and then persisted.


It may be facile, and insincere,

but the effect

of that cheery yellow icon

is undeniable;

I feel my blood pressure drop

heart slow,

eyes narrow slightly

and laugh lines crinkle,

the edges of my own mouth

begin to curl up.


And even the harried cashier's

rote pronouncement

still felt good.


A simple gesture.

An act of niceness.

A small human touch

in the anonymous bustle

of daily life.


The Only Useful Thing I Learned - April 27 2023

 

The Only Useful Thing I Learned

April 27 2023





In middle school, I took typing.

Which is all I remember

from junior high,

the only useful thing I learned.


Not touch, exactly,

and I still cheat;

sneaking a glance at my fingers

on the virtual keyboard

of the digital device

I write on now.


I can clearly recall

that heavy steel behemoth,

permanently planted

on my small wooden desk

like a slab of solid granite.


Built to last,

and beautiful

in the way only mechanical things are;

an ingenious machine

with thousands of intricately milled parts

working precisely together.


There was the clatter of the strikers.

The plangent ding

at the end of a line.

And the soft ratcheting sound

of the carriage return

as the platen precisely advanced.


And a machine with character.

The font

as unique as a fingerprint —

all the a's

a touch above the line,

the p's

missing their stems.

While the keys

are anywhere between

so hard to depress

your hand soon tires,

and so light

your racing fingers stumble.


Writing letter-by-letter

in real time.

Every errant key and typo

preserved on the page

for posterity.


And completed

a piece of paper

with fresh black ink

you can fold, mail, file.

Hand sign

with the fancy signature

you practiced as a child.

Bury in a time capsule.


Or crush into a ball

and free-throw into the trash.


Wednesday, April 26, 2023

Despondency - April 26 2023

 

Despondency

April 26 2023


When I consider my state of melancholy

what comes to mind

is despair.


Say it out loud

and the word itself

comes out like a sigh,

not so much ending

as fading away

in a spent exhalation of gloom;

a deflated balloon

shrivelled and limp

and emptied of air.

Like onomatopoeia

it sounds like what it is.


Literally, the loss of hope;

of espoir

and espèrance.


It's not me, it’s the world.

Of which we have proven ourselves

unworthy;

squandering our birthright,

reneging on our God-given role

as custodian.

And even if you don't believe

in a higher power,

it would be hard to deny

how greedy we've been

how irresponsible.


Of course melancholy

doesn't need much help.

Because what could sound more despondent

than black bile,

a sour bilious darkness

that leaves you passive

and powerless.


When even false hope

offers rescue and respite.

If, that is, hope can ever be false.

Because the feeling is real

even if prospects are bleak.

Just a glimmer

from the bottom of a deep crevasse,

straining to look up

its steep-sided walls

at the small window of light.


When I wrote that Tucker Carlson poem (Shattered Glass), the opening litany included false hope, and that's what it was going to be about.

It was originally (I think):

False hope

phoney wars

imagined fears.

But then fake news fit better with the other two, while false hope seemed a distraction. And from there, the poem ended up taking me in a very different direction. (After all, I’m not really writing; I’m taking dictation!)

So I decided to try again.


Solid Ground - April 25 2023

 

Solid Ground

April 25 2023


The potholes are bigger this year.

Like land mines

they lie in wait,

cleverly disguised

and nearly as lethal.


Ice penetrates,

the land subsides,

pavement cracks.

It feels as if there's no solid ground anymore;

that the earth is washing away

from beneath our feet.


I've never lived through an earthquake.

But from then on

it must feel like this   —

that even the earth

can no longer be counted on;

that nothing is certain;

and that to nature

in all her majestic indifference

we are insignificant,

easily dispensed with.


A useful lesson

in humility.


Of course, a broken suspension

is hardly the same

as a mine

vaporizing your legs,

buildings toppling

and being swallowed up by the earth.


But there is the sense

that the centre no longer holds.

That the world

in a state of disrepair

is descending into disorder.


Our winter of discontent,

and the cruel temptations

of a false spring;

dangling the promise of better

only to rudely snatch it back.


Shattered Glass - April 25 2023

 

Shattered Glass

April 25 2023


Imagined fears.

Phoney wars.

Fake news.


So is it all a funhouse mirror;

distorting reality,

dropping you into a maze

no clear way out?

The hypocrisy

and posturing

and self-promoters;

the fear

of fear itself?

Like polished glass,

reflecting our worst selves

back at us.


Or choose, instead, to power down

turn off

step out.


To ignore

the images and messages,

intentional deceptions,

and peddlers of influence.

The hornswogglers,

who agitate and bloviate

and suck up all the oxygen

and fill the place with noise.


Shatter the glass,

then find a dark quiet spot

alone with your thoughts

and breath.


Because their truth

is not what it seems.

Because conspiracy

Is not reality.

And because you can't believe

a thing they say.


Written on the occasion of Tucker Carlson's ignominious departure from Fox “News”. One less smirking asshole polluting air waves and minds. (At least for now!)

Would a Rose Smell as Sweet" - April 24 2023

 

Would a Rose Smell as Sweet?

April 24 2023


I was once told

my name means strong.

I don't know in what language

or if I might have imagined hearing this,

but have always quietly enjoyed

the implication.


Who knows

if a name foretells the future.

Or if, in a self-defeating twist

can be cruelly ironic.

Who knows

if proper nouns are meaningful,

or simply sounds

attached to us.

And who knows

what my parents were thinking

when they settled on this.

Which raises the question,

if I change my name

am I renouncing them?


The one thing

we own all our lives

is this proper noun.

It was there

when a newborn baby, wet and squalling

entered the world

with all its possibilities.

And will accompany us to the grave;

in solemn letters

inscribed in stone.


Until the monument

is eventually erased.

Because not even granite

is strong enough to withstand

the passage of time

Nothing is forever

and even memory fades.


But for now

a good name to go by.

And hard to imagine

who I’d be

by any other.


Accumulation - APril 23 2023

 

Accumulation

April 23 2023


Encumbrances

dust collectors

junk.


The stuff

I surround myself with.


Yes, it weighs me down.

Brands me

as a shallow bourgeoisie,

invites anxious comparison.


But these possessions also anchor me,

here, in the place of my choosing.

Are comforting

in their constancy,

remind me of my history.


The trinkets and tchotchkes.

The ornaments and curios.

The bric-a-brac and gimcracks

gewgaws, and knickknacks

and rare objets d'art.


I could choose to live

in some spare Scandinavian space,

painted an antiseptic white

and filled only with light

and severe Nordic furniture.


But my familiar things

fill me with delight,

even if they're corny

or shamelessly sentimental.

And then the tasteful ones,

kept

for the sake of beauty

Either way,

more than enough

to justify accumulation.


I know, that after I'm gone

no one will want this stuff.

But for now, I’m here,

along with the things

that belong to me

and I to them.


Good company

on the long uncertain journey.


Lost in the Pages - April 22 2023

 

Lost in the Pages

April 22 2023


The bookmark

slipped out of the 2nd-hand novel

where it had lain for years,

nestled between the pages

undisturbed.


It felt like a secret missive

from the anonymous reader

who came before,

letting me know

where the book had lost his interest,

or where he intended

to pick it up again.


And not just how far he got,

but what he bought

at the Stop and Save

some random day long ago.

2 lbs of Polish sausage,

a quart of milk,

a carton of cigarettes.

And a bouquet

of supermarket flowers

for someone he loved.


I like to think

it was an impulse buy,

a heart that overflowed.

Which he gifted her

with tar-stained fingers

and a smoker's cough,

his breath a little garlicky.


I calculate the years

since the receipt was issued

and imagine what became of them.

If not a novel

then a short story

where the ending has yet to be written.


Did they stay together;

happily-ever-after,

at least for a chapter or two?


Did he buy the bouquet

for someone else

he couldn't help but fall for?


Or were the flowers for himself?

A splash of colour

in the dark apartment

where he now lived alone.


Lost in the pages

of epic novels

by gloomy Russian authors.


With scoundrels and grifters

swindlers and thugs

where justice always prevails.


In compulsive whodunits

where betrayal and lust

in some cozy cottage

seem incongruously out of place.


And in the made-up lives

of lovers and rivals,

unforgiving civil wars.


Friction - April 21 2023

 

Friction

April 21 2023


It's the intersections,

the rough edges

where you rub up against.


Like tectonic plates

grinding past

in opposing directions.


Like borderlines, and watersheds

tree-lines

and fences.


Like friends,

who have taken offence,

people

you love too intently.


But what most comes to mind

are bulwarks and tidal waves.


How out at sea

it passes beneath

like an indifferent shrug of the shoulders.

But when water hits the shore

   —  solid vs liquid,

fluid vs fixed  —

the collision's catastrophic.

Oil and water

life and death.


I remember

in the beginning

how bracing it felt.

Like flint striking rock,

hard on soft

in a brilliant shower of sparks.

Like invigorating cold

shocking a warm somnolent body.

Like opposites

that complement

in a creative rush.


But when our differences

became irreconcilable

I felt my world had ended,

a tsunami

that swept me away

gasping for breath.


How your wave levelled everything,

then quietly receded

into a flat featureless sea,

so calm

such power seemed inconceivable.


Except that now

I feel its menace,

a vast and brooding presence

ever there

lapping at the shore.

No way to know

when it will lash out again.


A Splash of Colour - April 20 2023

 

A Splash of Colour

April 20 2023


I slump through the crowd

in salt-stained sweats

and rumpled hoodie,

eyes on the ground

directly ahead,

hands thrust in my pockets.


Scuffed runners

and dark colours

from black to greys.


I am incognito

on a sea of such people,

most of us dressed

for comfort and warmth.


Some would say

a sign of disrespect

and the end of civilization.


But why present yourself

inauthentically?

Because we are not fancy people

putting on airs;

we’re not fooling anyone.


Work, kids, chores.

Winter slush

and short dull days.


Then her,

breezing by, turning heads;

a splash of colour

gleaming smile,

laughter light as air.


This is Oz, after Kansas,

a sun-dappled upland

after the storm.

This is why

you take time to dress,

winter or not.


And I would,

if anonymity

weren't so comfortable,

a uniform

didn't pander to my inner sloth.


So I follow her with my eyes

as she recedes into the throng.

And after she has disappeared

begin to wonder

just what I really saw.

Was it her?

Or a waking dream

as I sleepwalk through life?