Joy - Dec 16 2022

 

Joy

Dec 16 2022

If not joy

then cheerfulness.

Because I struggle to see myself

that radiant

open

all-embracing.

Joy

is a high bar

for a man as morose as me.

There must be a reason

words like this

aren't heard in normal conversation.

Only in Victorian novels

is there “a man of good cheer.”

Joy only appears

on greeting cards,

and no one's ever merry

unless it's Dec 25.

Although the British are content

with Happy Christmas;

but then

they're a repressed and taciturn people

and it rains a lot.

Happiness is itself problematic;

do we mean hedonistic pleasure

or something more meaningful?

Frothy fun

or deep experience?

Mere compliments

or real accomplishment?

And does it happen in the moment

or is it the sum of a life?

But no matter how I feel

I can always perform cheerfulness;

a forced smile,

an agreeable disposition,

biting my tongue.

Fake it 'til you make it

as they say,

which I can only hope is true.

Although I haven't given up,

I still aspire to joy.

I've encountered joyful people

and it can be contagious;

the new parents,

the newly married,

the first time in love.

In the meantime

I practice being amiable

grateful

humble.

And imagine joy may come

not as an end in itself

but unexpectedly;

and what a bewildering feeling it will be

for a man as morose as me.