A Succession of Moments - Dec 25 2022

 

A Succession of Moments

Dec 25 2022

Some vaguely familiar scenes.

A smattering of dialogue

that made me wonder.

The plot

coming together

a little too predictably.

I was halfway through the movie

before I realized

I'd already watched.

And the article

that opened my eyes

to all these exciting ideas;

I'd felt I was wasting my time, rereading,

except that all of it

might as well have been new.

So, is anything worthwhile

if my memory

is a bottomless black-hole?

Am I incapable of learning?

Is my enjoyment even valid

the second time around?

I answer

by giving myself permission

to live in the moment  —

what went before doesn't matter,

and if I don't remember

so what?

Because life

is just a succession of moments

just like these.

Whether it goes anywhere

after that

is a matter of philosophy

not experience.

And as a nihilist

I'm inclined not to care.

Because in the end

nothing is futile

and everything is.

Anyway, the movie is better

the more discerning I get,

the more nuanced

my film IQ.

And the article

read critically

sticks;

who cares if it takes two tries

to glean at least a bit.

The favourite meal

I never tire of.

The song

that transports me back

to my first love,

no matter how often it comes on.

And really, one poem

pretty much like the rest;

variations on a theme

as if I'm plagiarizing myself.

But still, I write.

The pleasure

of words on the page

in and of itself.

It's been happening a lot lately: the movie I watched last night, right to the end; a raft of articles I know I’ve already read.

But I no longer beat myself up for wasting time, or make myself stop. I resist the feeling of futility: thinking that if things can totally disappear like that, what's the point.

Instead, I lean in, and find I enjoy just as much; usually more. Not everything need to be quantified, the cost and benefit measured out. Finding that it gives me pleasure is enough: the entertainment; the intellectual stimulation; the second go at deeper understanding.

We are told that the apotheosis of enlightenment is learning to live in the moment. So why scorn these immersive and enjoyable moments, simply because we've been there before?