Real Men Talk Cars - May 17 2022

 

Real Men Talk Cars

May 17 2022

The car guys

can be rapturous

about torque, timing, power.

Rhapsodize ecstatically

about the rough ascending growl

of the finely tuned exhaust,

the responsive touch

of rack-and-pinion steering

recirculating-ball.

I'd rather walk the dog.

Sit

my back against a tree,

breathing in the tang of pine,

the complexity

of wet loamy soil.

Paddle my canoe

on a warm summer night

under a star-filled sky,

the gunnel, barely skimming above

the glass-like surface

of still black water.

A car is utilitarian;

get me there and back

is all I ask,

nothing flashy

nothing fast.

I can't even change a tire;

and unlike the average gear-head

the smell of gas

is no aphrodisiac for me.

The romance

of the open road

making speed

  —   roof down

and wind in my hair,

acutely aware

of the engine's perfect pitch   —

has understandable appeal.

Just don't ask me to check the oil

or crack the hood,

wash and wax

and lovingly buff

its sheet metal exterior.

Real men

talk cars,

have grease-stained hands,

subscribe to Motor Trend.

I merely pretend

but keep my mouth shut;

listen attentively

and nod agreeably,

taking pleasure

from their mastery and passion.

I used to devour NPR's Car Talk, before it ran its course. And just now, I listened to an episode of a new podcast, Car Show!, With Eddie Alterman. There is something irresistible about witnessing the combination of expertise and passion, no matter what. Perhaps this is why every 4 years, watching obscure Olympic sports can be so compelling. When it comes to cars, though, I feel like I'm a traitor to my gender. Aren't guys supposed to be into cars? Isn't this arcane knowledge a rite of passage for “real men”?!