We Were Not Huggers - June 17 2022

 

We Were Not Huggers

June 17 2022

I am uncomfortable

with public displays of affection.

More than imposing on others

it's the brazen openness of it;

dressed

but fully exposed.

But Is it really so presumptuous

to use the spaces we share

for such intimate acts?

So unbecoming

to let one's deepest feelings

be freely expressed?

We were not huggers;

perhaps this explains my discomfort.

I don't recall

ever hearing “I love you”

back in the day,

when moms were distracted

and bread-winning dads

unwilling disciplinarians.

Back when no one mentioned sex,

and they slept in separate beds

on TV.

When good grades were expected

instead of rewarded,

and no one bought on credit

spent money they couldn't afford.

Emotionally repressed

we'd call it today.

Generation after generation

modelling how they were raised.

So no one knew any better,

how could they, back then?

The sins of the father

passed on.

But it will soon be Father's day,

and I watch the young dads

interact with their kids —

open, patient, caring,

always there for them.

Loving, dare I say?

Young couples kissing

relatives embracing

gays holding hands.

Even brothers and sisters

snuggling together;

or at least when jealousy

doesn't raise its ugly head.

Yet somehow, my brothers learned to hug,

express their love

unstintingly.

Fine husbands and excellent fathers

they have interrupted the cycle,

replacing cool detachment

with presence and warmth.

But I still find myself squirming

at public displays of affection

despite knowing better.

Is it fear, disgust, envy?

Some old school propriety?

A lack of generosity?

If only I could learn

to enjoy.

Receive a hug

without stiffening up

and pulling slightly away.

Freely embrace

no matter where.

Talk about uncomfortable! I rarely risk confessional poems like this.

Although I'm still holding back. I initially used the word “damaged” in the 2nd last stanza. But then felt it was too much to put up on the blog, where someone might actually read it!

And despite my ideology of openness and acceptance, I have to admit I still look away when gay guys kiss.