The Law of Large Numbers
Aug 18 2020
Somewhere under the curve
you will find yourself.
In the spacious middle
beneath its rounded peak,
shoulder to shoulder
amidst the teeming throngs;
reassured
how normal you are.
Or ducking under
the downward slope
of its smoothly ruled perimeter.
Like a cramped attic
repeatedly bumping your head.
Or a struggling poet's dank garret;
a place that only sounds romantic
if you haven't actually been there.
Then the oddballs, misfits, and cranks,
the eccentrics
who go about their business
mercifully oblivious
to being judged,
yet are somehow happier
than any other.
Who inhabit the long tail
of the normal curve,
sometimes so far out
they go unseen.
Someone once said
there are lies
damned lies
and statistics.
Who didn't understand
how the law of large numbers
and the rule of averages
so neatly predict us.
And that it's nice to have a place
where you know you belong.
Under the fat part of the curve
where you're never alone.
Or in the long tail,
where every teenager feels
they've been cornered by fate;
but where a man of my age
has come to find himself
contentedly home.
I suspect this may be the first poem ever to be written about the normal distribution curve! But I've often thought a good nickname for me would be “long tail”, because that's where I often find myself. Like an anthropologist from Mars, nose pressed against the glass, peering in at these strange earth creatures with a mix of bewilderment and wonder. So I'm gratified this poem came to me. And all it took was being in a well-caffeinated state of mind and simply seeing the word “normal” – a highly problematic word, I know, since even when it's used in a purely statistical sense it seems to presume a value judgment (and should probably, at best, only be used ironically) – to spark it.
It's true about eccentrics: they are obliviously unselfconscious, and they do tend to enjoy above average happiness. And weren't we all once awkward teenagers? Didn't we almost all long to be “normal”, accepted, cool; but almost always felt we were not?
Long Tail was the original title. It summarizes the theme of the poem, and succinctly gets right to its heart. But while it has the vagueness and inscrutability (who wouldn't immediately be misled into thinking of an animal, reading it?) that make a title compelling, I thought The Law of Large Numbers would intrigue a reader that much more.
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