Self-Regard - May 19 2025

 

Self-Regard

May 19 2025

The face that looks back at me

mirrored in glass

is not what others see

nor how I’m seen.

Not just 2-dimensional.

Not just left-to-right and right-to-left

  — the part reversed

nose somehow off

snaggletooth wrong —

but what they see of me

or don’t.

Nothing behind

the pursed lips

impervious eyes

sternly held jaw.

Nothing but the façade

I shelter behind

and present to the world.

Even the pupils won’t let them in;

no windowing

no depth or glimpse,

just a flat reflective surface

toying with light

and cleverly matching

my every move.

I avoid looking in mirrors.

Even in good light

and unobserved

such self-regard seems unbecoming.

And really

I mostly see the flaws.

Standing as close as I am

the cold glass starts misting up.

The image steadily blurs,

like the soft focus headshot

of an ageing star.

And soon enough I vanish

behind my breath

relieved not to look.

An inscrutable magician

who can make himself invisible

at will;

breathe slowly out

all the way

and disappear.