Drinking My Own Pee - Jan 7 2023

 

Drinking My Own Pee

Jan 7 2023

Was it the Buddha who said

life is suffering?

Not that I feel entitled

to use that word.

After all, shouldn't it be reserved

for victims of torture

dying of thirst?

No one's pulling my fingernails out,

I'm not drinking my own pee.

Who knows what makes this feeling

so hard to bear?

Is it psychological weakness?

Moral failure?

Punishment

for bad behaviour?

Did I somehow offend the gods?

So much better

to share it

unburden oneself.

How the simple act of saying

and even more, being heard

lessens the weight.

But I suffer quietly.

Like an ouroboros, eating its tail,

the oppressive thoughts

circle faster and faster

contained inside my head;

a closed loop

going nowhere,

an echo chamber,

where sound stops making sense.

Does it help to realize

that we all have baggage

everyone's suffering inside?

Because there is no “normal”,

no one has it figured out

no one is exempt.

All of us

keeping up appearances

as best we can.

So I problem solve

and keep my distress to myself,

no help required;

remembering

that life is hard

death worse.

A private man

raised in a culture

of stoicism

manliness

the the stiff upper lip.

Who fancies himself

an intellectual

and tries to think his way out,

tending to the daily tasks

while living in his head.

Who goes quietly,

takes care of business,

and would be mortified to ask.