Favourite Uncle - Jan 4 2023

 

Favourite Uncle

Jan 4 2023

There's always someone in the family.

The favourite uncle

or glamorous aunt

everyone loves and admires.

Either that, or the bachelor uncle

who makes everyone uncomfortable;

telling racist jokes

and drinking too much,

stinking out the place

with his noxious cigars.

Why always the uncle, I have no idea.

But never a niece or nephew

second cousin.

But you're blood relations;

these are your people

there's no escaping them.

So seated

at the Thanksgiving table

you humour the old man,

never engaging

your outrage suppressed.

And the frail aunt

with the perfectly coiffed hair

and manicured nails.

Who smokes French cigarettes,

still turns men's heads,

and is elegantly dressed

as usual.

And who, with a child's tireless exuberance

regales the assemblage

with tales of her storied life.

You wonder which one

you'll eventually become;

still vivacious

and young at heart,

or a crotchety ideologue

mired in the past?

Suspecting

it's more likely the latter;

you're clearly no one's favourite

and not a bit glamorous.

Especially since the older you get

the more annoyed and impatient

you're finding yourself;

befuddled by the young,

and longing for a golden age

that never really was.

Because bachelor uncles

as universal as they are

weren't born that way.

They changed imperceptibly,

getting older by degree

and more and more curmudgeonly,

until their days are pretty much spent

watching cable news,

talking back to the TV,

and keeping up

with the latest conspiracies,

quackeries,

and smarmy evangelists.

While the rest of their time is spent

talking politics

with like-minded friends,

keeping the lawn nicely trimmed,

and finding a good cigar.

Which is surprisingly hard to get;

a hand-rolled Cuban

like the good old days.