High Above the Fray - Dec 29 2021

 

High Above the Fray

Dec 29 2021

I watched as the big rig inched back

as if feeling its way,

the infernal beeper

insistently shrill

in the cold still air.

I could hardly see the man

behind the slush-grimed glass,

craning over a shoulder

a smoke in his mouth.

Expecting him to stop

all I could do was watch

as a big back tire

dropped hard off the edge.

And my failure to act?

In my defence

I was merely a bystander, caught by surprise.

He would never have seen me wave,

could not have heard

my warning shouts.

So there he sat, smoking placidly

without even going to check;

settling in

until the tow truck came

apparently enjoying the break,

as the afternoon lengthened

and the deliveries waited

and he still got paid.

After all, isn't that why the boss

   --  who, like a hamster on its wheel

is running madly

but answer only to himself   --

makes the big bucks?

Let him

placate the customers.

I can only hope

the when calamity strikes

I, too, will be as philosophical

so unnaturally calm.

Later on, I wondered

if this is how God must feel,

watching detachedly

from his lofty cab

as his flock stumbles and falls.

That we were given free will,

so the experiment must be left to unfold

as the universe unerringly turns

and time ticks deliberately on.

As if he were to say

let the boss-man handle it,

shrugging and grinning

and holding His tongue

while leaving the the mess up to us.

I see Him there,

contained in his exalted space

high above the fray

rocking to some snappy tunes,

a freshly rolled smoke

dangling from his lips.

The heater blasting

engine idling

glass fogging up,

black plumes of diesel exhaust

billowing out the back.

A true retelling of something that happened this afternoon, in the Veterinarian's parking lot.

I watched with this feeling of alarmed helplessness as he blithely backed over a big concrete ledge: obvious to me, apparently invisible to him.

Right then, I felt I was in a position to have done something. But really, I wasn't. I was the bystander we all second guess.

If I were him, I would have been beside myself: the damage to the car; the inconvenience; the stupidity and lack of attention. While he just picked up the phone and presumably passed it off to his boss. When I returned hours later, he had just been pulled out. Still unfazed!

I envied his sang-froid. Which for some reason made me think about the absent God: how believers use the concept of free will to rationalize a God who doesn't interfere with human affairs, no matter how depraved or unjust. A bit of a conceptual leap, I know. But this is the way my mind works.

. . . Meanwhile, the dog needs an operation. No need to elaborate here!