Cummerbund
March 30 2022
I've never worn a tuxedo.
My lifestyle, it seems
is not suited to formal wear
black tie events
debutante balls.
I am not destined, it's becoming clear
for a Nobel or Oscar,
and even a lifetime achievement award
is beyond hope.
I'm more sweat pants and T-shirts
and comfortable sneakers.
So for the big event
I rented one.
Which felt like wearing the bowling shoes
the attendant passed over the counter
laced with disinfectant;
used shoes
but good as new
he amiably reassured me.
It came with cuff links
stud buttons
cummerbund,
complex paraphernalia
that made me consider the mysteries
of women's lingerie.
Is this what “accessorize” means?
Stiff leather shoes
completed the ensemble.
Unfortunately, they had slippery soles
an embarrassing squeak
hurt my feet.
Basic black
with a trim cut
and traditional tails.
I ignored
the whiff of mothballs and sweat,
learned to sit carefully
made sure not to spill.
But the clothes make the man,
and it's remarkable
how a person can be transformed
from the outside in.
And after my formal night out
was finally over
the suit was returned
promptly next morning.
My Cinderella moment;
and how surprised I was
to have actually enjoyed it.
Inspired by this piece from the New Yorker's Calvin Trillin.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/03/28/getting-accustomed-to-my-second-tuxedo
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