My Mind Wanders - April 16 2025

 

My Mind Wanders

April 16 2025

My mind wanders.

Like a flaneur

who saunters through the world,

ambling down side-streets,

strolling absent-mindedly,

popping in and out.

A peripatetic mind

that circles back

and tries again,

striking out

in some random direction

because it simply won’t rest.

The tangents are best.

The dead end

that turns out wasn’t.

The curious thought

that leads to another,

as well as the forbidden ones

I keep my distance from

but can’t truly disavow.

This constant talking to myself

and sometimes out loud.

The monologue

that goes on in my head,

the dialogue

between me and myself.

The scattershot ideas

that ricochet like billiards

after the break,

pinballing ‘round my skull

and rattling down my pathways.

And the precious silences

when I quiet my mind

and try to sit still.

When the constant talking stops,

my inner voice

stifles itself

long enough to listen.

I’m not good at this

but practice diligently;

focusing,

attending,

letting someone else’s words

sink in.

But most of the time

I ruminate,

over-think,

and lose myself in mirrored halls

that distort who I am.

My chatterbox mind

is like a puppy on a leash,

pulling incessantly

and circling as it goes

until I’m hog-tied

lassoed

immobilized.

But the puppy doesn’t stop

and the noose keeps tightening.

I’m not ADHD, but suspect the poem might give that impression. Rather, it’s about the inner voice we all have, the rich interior life the world rarely glimpses.

I enjoy the life of the mind, and have learned to be very disciplined in my internal wanderings. So I don’t experience the unpleasant pressure of thought the poem suggests. Unlike the mind as flaneur, there is often an actual destination!

It’s very true, though, that I need to be a better listener: instead of hearing out, actively listening; instead of thinking of what to say next, attending fully to what they have to say.

But I do over-think, ruminate, worry, and berate myself. And sometimes wish I could escape from my own head: just sit mindfully, and empty out.