Wholehearted - June 6 2022

 

Wholehearted

June 6 2022

I used to read New Yorker cartoons

and laugh out loud.

I still enjoy them,

but am more likely to feel my eyes narrow,

cheeks tighten

in a stillborn smile,

and find myself declaring

“now that's funny

witty

clever.”

I have become a connoisseur

of humour,

an analyst

who tries to dissect the joke

without killing the laugh.

You grow older;

wiser, some would say.

But less and less able, it seems

to let go

surrender uncritically.

Not a short appreciative snort

but an uproarious cackle,

spraying spittle

and breaking out a smile

that will leave laugh lines

on my well-preserved corpse.

Like a kid at recess

unselfconsciously at play.

A contestant

scooping up the jackpot.

in winner-take-all.

A dog doing pirouettes

at the sound of kibble

hitting the bowl.

Where did this wisdom go?

An unfiltered joy

I can only envy.

The uncritical surrender

I, too, once expressed

but let go somewhere,

as life grew serious

and I got too much in my head

and neglected my heart.

Thinking more

and feeling less,

suppressing

the full-blooded laugh.

A vivisectionist,

cutting down to bone

and discarding the flesh.