Remains

Jan 17 2020

Fingernails do not keep growing.

The soft tissue shrivels

fingers stiffen

blood pools.

We fool ourselves, knowingly.

And the cooling had already begun

well before death.

Remember how cold the old man was?
The blanket clutched to his throat.

And the stifling room,

smelling of stale pee

and fetid breath.

No formaldehyde.

No casket or urn.

Consign me to earth

at the foot of a tree

in cool mineral soil,

deep enough

to discourage scavengers

and birds of prey.

The only afterlife

is worms.

As well as teeth, a rattle of bones.

And if no thief pries them loose

my crowns of gold;

which, like all elements

are irreducible.

Formed in the core

of the exploding stars

that seeded the universe.

Perhaps some final words.

Which, if energy is conserved

still resonate

somewhere in the world.

Weaker and weaker

until only heat remains.

Terry Gross (of NPR's Fresh Air) was interviewing the great filmmaker Martin Scorsese, and in recalling a childhood memory of an embalmed body, he referred to hair and fingernails that continued to grow. Which is, of course, untrue: the cells are dead, the blood supply arrested. Growth is impossible. This struck me as a good opening line. https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2020/01/15/796590006/fresh-air-for-jan-15-2020-martin-scorsese?showDate=2020-01-15

So once again, I find myself writing about death. Yes, of course I give a lot of thought to death. Don't we all? But I'm not morbidly preoccupied with it. Which is why I think it's important to explain the origin story of this poem. Because it was really in whimsy that it began, not blackness.

Although the poem does express my philosophy of death. Its finality. And how, if there is any posterity and any consolation, it's the continuity of things in a universe that is closed and constant. And also, that while consciousness does not persist, perhaps – if we're any part of lucky, virtuous, talented, or notoriously bad – our actions and words might.

The gold crowns came to mind not only because I just broke a tooth and have an imminent appointment for one, but also because of something I just heard on the podcast Criminal: a story about a funeral home that was not only pretending to cremate bodies when it was actually selling them, but was also pulling their teeth for the gold. https://thisiscriminal.com/episode-131-sunset-mesa-1-10-2020