Surrender

Nov 28 2012

The dog is restless.

She is at the picture window,

regal nose

smearing the glass.

The front door

where heavy winter air

presses in,

molecules of scent

she sniffs like a vintage red,

but without the pretension.

Cruises by her empty bowl

with a dog’s unquenchable hope,

licks again.

She is insistent with my hand

cajoling pats.

Her majestic head, and silky coat,

this beautiful pet

innocent

of vanity.

It’s the reassurance  of touch, she seeks,

a creature whose body and mind

are one,

unhampered

by analysis, and rumination.

Whose inner life

is no less movement and sensation,

racing in furious circles

just because she can.

No longer the impatient pup

she stoically waits;

because, unlike us

she has no illusion

of agency.

In the fullness of time

things come,

or they do not.

She holds no grudge

slips from under the past.

Her happiness

is uncontingent.

So she resigns herself to sleep,

a dog’s sensible default.

In my lap

as I try gamely to read,

her weight, her heat

a reassuring presence.

Language fills my head.

But her exquisite ears

hear only my breath,

quietly in and out

accompanying hers.

Deep brown yes

dilated wide

lock onto mine,

mildly perplexed

but with utter acceptance.

Black bottomless pools

I cannot penetrate.

She sighs and stretches

settling.

The unknowability of others,

even those we love.

Words, not connecting

sentences empty.

OK, I relent, let’s go.

A walk, in the bracing cold.

Where she is in her element,

all animal spirits

the wonder of snow.

She has snapped me in

to her long invisible leash,

inexhaustible energy

connecting us

urging me on.

As if a weight had been lifted

I relinquish control.

For now, the dog will lead;

and for me

peace

in surrender.