Saturday, February 2, 2008

Moon Shot
Sept 22 2007


I’m starting at 10
counting-down to the moon.
I’m counting out daisies
and could easily lose.
I’m counting the hours
‘til I see you.

I’m spinning the dial
searching for news.
I’m counting the cost
‘cuz you pay for the truth.
I’m counting my blessings,
yet still get the blues.

I’m counting-out sheep
too restless to snooze.
I’m counting on toes
I’m tapping both shoes,
I’m snapping my fingers
and humming a tune.
I’m counting the seconds;
I’m counting on you.

I started at 10
now it’s down to 2.
Time to blast-off
— just me and you.
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2 comments:

Taime D. said...

What a terrific example of guidelines I'm trying to incorporate. Simplicity with a strong musical note...this poem will resonate in my grey matter all day. Very catchy.

March 3, 2008 at 10:43 AM
briangreen said...

As I'm sure you've noticed, I generally don't like the end-of-line rhyming that's so evident in Moon Shot. I prefer a more conversational tone, rather than getting into that regualr rhyming beat: at best, it starts sounding too "poetical" (just as some words do: those precious "poetical" words you'd never use in real life!); and at worst, like doggerel. But -- as in this poem -- if I'm going to do it, then do it all the way: the poem has to have nice regular iams right through it, and almost has to sing when you recite it.

Interesting poem, though: so much more light-hearted than most of them!

March 3, 2008 at 11:42 PM

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