The Dog Ate My Homework
March 17 2008


The dog ate my homework
— he’ll eat almost anything.
My grandmother’s funeral
came unexpectedly.
I was abducted by aliens
last night in my sleep.

Which is to say
I take you for a fool,
who will buy the most outrageous excuse.
The real reason, of course
was pure laziness,
neglect,
my breezy sense
of entitlement.
Which is how it went, skipping class all week;
shooting pool,
lounging ‘round coffee shops,
hitting-up girls.

And in the future,
I will write ads for TV
or run for office
or sell used cars.

Or get with God
and start a mega-church in Texas.
In a holy voice
in cowboy boots and Stetson
I will proclaim to my flock,
calling-down hell-fire in a southern drawl.
And I’ll excuse myself
praying to the Lord for forgiveness.
A born-again sinner
in the heavenly battle;
or as they say in Texas
“all hat, and no cattle”.