Beginnings - Mar 28 2021

 

Beginnings

Mar 28 2021

Beginnings,

when all things, it seems, are possible.

That intoxicating mix

of energy

anxiety

anticipation.

That discombobulating fizz

of young infatuation,

like hot rich blood

pulsing through your veins,

flushing your brain

with giddy desire.

Even though you're pretty sure

how the middle will feel,

the ambivalence and doubt

the grievances you've nursed,

the quicksand of inertia

tugging at your leg

and pulling you quietly under.

And know for certain how it ends,

in animosity and regret

or rejected and abject.

Or even worse,

the intolerable sin

of boredom and neglect.

Happily ever after?

It may seem mythological

but I know it actually happens.

That there are older couples, still in love

even if the lust has stilled

and the grand performances

have given way to small telling gestures,

as simple as a word

a glance

an offered hand.

Much like it began, you may recall,

but infatuation's rush

has become intimate attachment,

fantasy and lust

turned to lasting love.

Beginnings can be so addictive, one is tempted to repeatedly start over. But infatuation burns out. While attachment is steadfast and more deeply satisfying. Trouble is, it takes work and time to get there. So much easier to simply start again!

I chose the title because thinking about beginnings is where the poem began. But it's as much about middles and endings, of course: distilling the arc of love into a three part narrative device. Or it can be read as a “choose your own endings” book: and naturally, for my ending, I chose idealized love over the familiar acrimony and angst.

Anyway, however lame (or sentimental!) a poem turns out to be, getting to use the word “discombobulating” always makes it somehow worthwhile!