Tuesday, February 10, 2026

Just Not Out Loud - Jan 31 2026

 

Just Not Out Loud

Jan 31 2026


I began my letter with Dear … .


This is not a word I’d ordinarily use.

It’s what an old lady might say

asking for help,

wishing the best,

or addressing a child;

but never me.


The same with how I end it.

Not with sincerely

a breezy your friend

or a bohemian ciao,

but Love … ;

which isn’t a confession

just the standard way to close.


So while I can write that 4-letter word

I’m still too repressed

to say it out loud.

Written

where no one takes it literally,

and where I get to live a little

when it’s pen to paper

at arm’s length.


Maybe, if I’d been raised in a family

that wasn’t shy about opening up

a word like this would come more easily.

Maybe, if I was more in touch

with my softer side

it wouldn’t be such a strain

to get it out.


Of course, there’s no salutation in a text

and emails are business-like.

So I get to skate through life

on the the thin ice

of informality.

Because who even sends 

postal mail these days?


No heartfelt affection.

Nothing written by hand

on fancy paper

that some day might be evidence.

No anticipation 

waiting for a letter

from someone special,

then tearing open an envelope

with her lingering scent.

No, the closest you get

is something that at least isn’t addressed

to Resident

or Whom It May Concern. 


Dear Sir, of course, is perfectly fine.

There’s a tension in those two words

where any innuendo

is cancelled out;

the soft-pedalling Dear

the harumph of Sir.

Where Dear is a mere formality

that reveals so little

even I’m OK with it.

  … Just not out loud, of course.


Like closing with Love;

another 4-letter word

I keep to myself.


An Inconsequential Man - Jan 30 2026

 

An Inconsequential Man

Jan 30 2026


If not the end of days

then peace in our time.

If not catastrophe,

the the hinge 

on which history swings.


When has the world not been convulsed

the moment fraught

the choice consequential?

Have I lost perspective?

Did I forget

how dire things were  … whenever?


But this time it’s different

  … or so I’ve said

time after time through the years.


One day, we will look back

and things really will have changed;

most likely for the worst

I’m afraid.

That we’ve escaped every time

from the bottlenecks and crises

that have afflicted mankind

 — once, to a critical rump

of nomadic survivors —

is no assurance 

we will do so again.


So which is it this time,

the end of days

or a fresh start?


If only I had the wherewithal

to make change

or at least be heard. 


If only I were the captain

of the majestic Titanic

throwing the ship into full reverse,

massive screws

churning the water to froth

and pistons hammering their heads;

the din of steel-on-steel,

so that sweaty soot-stained men

yelling with all their strength 

can’t even hear themselves. 

Or cutting the wheel

as far as it gets

against her deadweight drift,

hull groaning 

and heeling hard over

so I’d have to lash myself to the deck. 


But I’m an inconsequential man,

can only stand

and look on;

carried along

in the swell of history,

flailing for the surface

and gasping for breath.


A lowly labourer

on the lowest deck

slipping quietly under,

swallowed up

in the dark of night

by a cold north sea.


I was tempted to go with Ship of State as the title, feeling that by foreshadowing the central metaphor it would help cinch the poem tight. But decided it was too bland for the essential purpose of a title, which is to entice the reader to actually read on. And also decided that title I did choose best represents the theme at the heart of the poem: my feeling of utter helplessness (and hopelessness!) as I passively watch the world burn (or, in this case, drown). 

For real — or so it truly seems — this time. Especially with the execrable Donald Trump manning the helm! (Not such a bad title for a poem: The Execrable Donald Trump!)

Or am I just an inveterate pessimist, Cassandra, catastrophist?  Am I guilty of losing the calm perspective on history I refer to in the poem?


Image - Jan 28 2026

 

Image

Jan 28 2026



I hold this image of you.

If I look directly, it seems to recede;

so better to glance, not dwell.


You’d think that something in your head

could only get so far away,

but the mind is capacious;

as dismissive of space

as it is of time.

So not only untouchable

no matter how much I strain

but untouched by age;

a snapshot

taken when the world was young.


And not a still image

but the moving picture you always were;

too kinetic to catch,

too gossamer to keep

at least for long.


Never kept nor caught

in the time we had together.

And now, I fear the image will fade

like a Polaroid

left too long in the light;

the blacks turning to greys

and the greys eventually lost

to a washed-out white.

So just as photographs aren’t forever

memory is flawed,

no matter how sure you are

that truth is singular. 


Like trick photography,

the dark room art

of a mind imagining

too long and too hard.


Tiny Points of Light - Jan 27 2026

 

Tiny Points of Light

Jan 27 2026


I stir the embers

and the fire come alive,

resurrected

as tiny points of light

amidst the cinders, slag, and soot.


Add oxygen, and fuel will burn.

It’s in the nature of wood

to consume itself,

all the way down to grey-black ash

inert as regolith.


Matter to the simplest state

reduced to its elements. 

Just as all things 

eventually dwindle, wither, ebb.

As orbits decay

and water seeks its level.

As ambition turns complacent

and morality is compromised,

lust wanes

and we resign ourselves to settling.


But even as the residue cools

the room has warmed

and light persists,

radiating out into the void

at a million metres a second

as far as it can go.

Thinning out, but conserved;

because frugal nature doesn’t waste.


So what becomes of me, in the fullness of time?

The fire of cremation?

The slow burn

in earth’s living soil?

Decomposition 

and the cycle of rebirth?


And my light?

They say that photons are born and die

in the same exact instant;

that time

doesn’t exist for them.

So both the fullness of time

and none at all.


I stir the embers

and some tiny points of light

shows there’s still life left.

Light that briefly flares

steadily wanes

and soon expires.

Because even the fiercest fire

goes cold and dark;

nothing is forever,

and no amount of stirring

can counter entropy

and rescue it from death.


Interesting what can come from simply stirring the remains of a fire.

For someone who had only a cursory understanding of physics, and who finds that a lot it hurts his head to even consider, why does it appear so often in my poetry?

Perhaps because physics and poetry are both mysterious:  the existence of counter-intuitive worlds on immeasurably small and large scales, and the mystery of how poetry gets written. From where does that voice in my head whose words I dutifully transcribe come? And in both, things are often not what they appear: the hidden worlds of physics that seem to contradict our everyday one; and the ambiguity of poetry, which can mean different things to different people. Yet while they both may appear lawless, they have their rules and constraints.

On the other hand, science is iterative, collective, and subject to correction. While poetry is one-off, individualistic, and neither right nor wrong. You’re free to break its laws and the universe won’t explode!


God ... or whatever - Jan 25 2026

 

God  . . . or whatever

Jan 25 2026


In cold this extreme

I think of the homeless man

in a scavenged tent 

under blankets he cadged, stole, or dumpster-dived,

if it wasn’t some kind soul 

handing them out.

A sleeping bag

smelling as bad

as a body that rarely bathes,

is dressed in layers

of thrift store clothes

stiff with age.


I remember summer nights

with a thin inflated pad

between me and the heat-sucking ground,

the nylon walls

whipped by a brisk north wind

and flapping like thunderclaps

 — too cold to sleep

even in my high-tech bag

wearing all the clothes I had.

 

He looks old, for a youngish man.

I wonder about bad upbringing 

bad choices

bad luck. 

About mental illness

booze or drugs,

a brain

badly concussed 

by who knows what;

if not an icepick to the head

we all can see,

then a thousand little pricks

even he forgets.

About a troubled mind, eaten up

by trauma or grief

too deep to bear.


And think of how the self-made man

is blind to contingency,

the crucial importance of luck.

How he fails to credit

all the other self-made men

who did what he did

and worked just as hard,

but now live 

in bitter cold

in a thin-walled tent,

their worldly possessions

half-buried in snow.

How he never considers

that but for the grace of God, or whatever

it could just as well be him.


I walk by, averting my eyes,

not sure of myself

and a little repelled

yet ashamed by my cowardice.


Another luckless man

who lost his job

and then his home,

the one-and-only love

who vowed to cherish and respect 

but couldn’t wait until death

to depart.

Much like all the others

who are living rough, but hard to see

in parks and alleyways

and dim backstreets;

who slipped underwater

and are sinking to the bottom

of a sun-dappled sea. 


All the flotsam and jetsam

in an ocean of prosperity

we so very sensibly 

take care to avoid;

steering around

and looking away,

calling the city to complain. 


Talking to Myself - Jan 24 2026

 

Talking to Myself

Jan 24 2026


I talk to myself.

This voice in my head

that sounds like me,

and may be as close as I get

to my essential self.


How did we got along

before there was language?

Were there even thoughts,

or just images

needs and wants

a flood of sensation?

Was there certainty

instead of all these moral qualms

and endless self-questioning?

Was life simpler then

or was there an emptiness

  — like an echo

that never returns?


Who are we without words?

Do dumb animals have inner lives?

Why can’t I shut him up?


He can be unsparing,

speaking truth

and puncturing denial.

Yet as much as I try

he’s hard to ignore.


He can contradict himself.

An angel, whispering into an ear;

but also the devil

perched near the other

like an evil troll.


He can be catty

sardonic

satirical,

which is why I’m glad

only I can hear.


I say “he”,

but really need a novel pronoun

to describe a relationship

as complicated as this;

some kind of grammar to explain

that while I don’t embrace him

I can’t get away from myself.


Do you hear voices, they ask

as if there’s anything unusual in that;

I answer No

because it’s insanity

to admit there’s a voice in your head.


Except when he hijacks mine.

When he somehow slips out

through loose lips

like a bad ventriloquist,

only noticing

when I feel their eyes on me

and instantly bite my tongue,

flushed cheeks

hot with self-consciousness. 

Caught

talking to myself

   . . . out loud.

Which happens more and more 

when you live alone.


Like the old man

who pushes a shopping cart

with all his meagre possessions,

muttering to himself

and cursing angrily

as he shuffles along.

Who knows himself too well

to bother with niceties

or bite his tongue.

Who has no fear

of being judged.


Friday, January 23, 2026

The Sex Life of Barnacles - Jan 21 2026


The Sex Life of Barnacles 

Jan 21 2026


Darwin was a walker.
He walked twice a day,
methodically marking his laps
on the regular path
he set through the woods.

Was he lost in thought
or present?
Did he retreat into his head
 — leaving his body
to walk of its own accord —
or did he lose himself
in mindful contemplation
of the sights and sounds,
the pastoral wood
he was surrounded by?

I walk as well.
Mostly on autopilot.
So I might just as well be disembodied;
lost 
in rarefied thought,
an isolated brain
in its bubbling vat
of essential nutrients.

So much so I surprise myself,
looking up
and seeing just how far I’ve gone,
shaking my head 
at how I even got there.
But while he came up with natural selection
the sex life of barnacles
and the inheritance 
of facial expressions,
I try to remember how movies end,
recall my many embarrassments,
fret about taxes
I neglected to pay.

Of course, the trees don’t care
whether I’m there or not,
the birds and bees
flit about indifferently,
while the weathered rocks
sit impassively,
anchored in the earth
where they’ve always been.
I’m an automaton,
ghosting through the world
unseen

and inconsequential,
the here and now

hastily passed

in the succession of time and place.

Perhaps, if even for a second
I stopped and raised my head
things would change.
If my inward looking brain
suspended in its warm nutrient broth
could be turned off for a while,

my feverish thoughts quieted

and space for sensation

left to come flooding in;

a firehose of the senses

from smell to touch,

unfiltered
unprocessed
unjudged.

As if encountering the world 
for the first

and only time.



It seems I’m either walking lost in thought, or walking mindfully and receptively. The first comes more naturally to me. But the latter seems more sensible, and is probably both more creative and restorative. Instead of the mind feverishly circling in on itself, as it usually does — pattern-seeking, problem solving, and darkly introspective — simply being: encountering the world as it is. 

Darwin came up with good questions: sometimes answered them. But I’m no Darwin. So perhaps I’d be better off just giving it a rest.

On the other hand, when I do retreat into my head – as is I must confess is almost always the case – I will frequently find myself working on a tricky line of poetry; and more often than not, it seems to solve itself. There is something about the rhythm and automaticity of walking that is conducive to this kind of satisfying focus and flow.


The Black Queen - Jan 19 2026

 

The Black Queen

Jan 19 2026


The all-powerful Queen.


And the cornered King

who must stop and rest

after just a single step,

a fat defenceless old man

hobbled by gout

and out-of-breath.

Whose cavalry is dead and castles breached,

and who will soon surrender

before heading to the guillotine.

There is no clemency

for defeated kings.


What ancient feminist

conspired to create such a subversive game?

The woman tasked with producing an heir

who instead commands the board,

while her doddering prince

is no more than a figurehead.


If you play chess

thinking one move ahead

you are certain to lose. 

But she has a plan,

an ambitious Queen

wit battle-ready men

well matched with their opposites. 


Her cannon-fodder pawns

head-to-head

across a checkered no-man’s land,

bishops whispering 

in the ear of the king,

and cavalry

agile as ever

positioned in their squares.


The power behind the throne

in black from head to toe

gazes steely-eyed

across the board,

sizing up in the white king

who is clearly a pretender

as hollow as hers.

A weak man

and syphilitic cad

with his own white queen

as conniving as she is. 


Two patient queens

who protect their kings

but play the long game well.

They are ambush predators,

like a lioness 

who goes in for the kill

when the odds favour her;

when the soft underbelly 

of her unsuspecting prey

is exposed,

the delicate neck

is close enough

to crush in her merciless jaws.




I was reading an article (one of many — too many!) about Trump’s incoherent and self-defeating foreign policy, describing how he thinks only one move ahead:  perhaps enough to win in checkers, but a sure way to lose every time in chess.

Which led to something I’ve always wondered about chess: why, in an ancient game that comes from a time of patriarchal culture, primogeniture, divine right, and male supremacy, did they create an all-powerful Queen and relatively helpless King? From where could this contemporary feminist sensibility have possibly come? A thought which, in turn, led to a silly poem about chess. 

Silly, yes; but silliness is always good in demoralizing times like the present. 

(My original working title was Regicide. Maybe I should have kept it and saved this one for the day I write a poem about a gay African American.)

(Btw, this is how lions prefer to kill. They ambush their prey (they have competitive speed and agility, but not the endurance to pursue), then crush the windpipe in their jaws and hang on until the animal asphyxiates. It’s untrue that male lions don’t hunt. But my understanding is that it’s partially true in that females do hunt more.)


A Small Queen's Untimely Fall - Jan 21 2026

 

A Small Queen’s Untimely Fall

Jan 18 2026


I hate poetry.


There, I said it.

Strong language, I know

especially in a form

where ambiguity is prized.


I’m guilty of it myself.

Committing poetry, I mean.

So could this be self-loathing,

revulsion

at my own pretension, self-indulgence, showing-off?


But actually, more often than not 

it’s other people’s stuff I can’t stand

(mine’s too cringeworthy 

to even revisit).

Which I know looks bad,

so I’ll ask you to keep this confession 

just between us;

a small intimacy

shared with my favourite reader

with a wink and a nod.


Or is it the grip it has on me,

the compulsion to write?

As addictive as opiates

celebrity

sex.

As the elation

of landing on the perfect word,

so smugly sure

generations will learn me by heart;

recited by tipsy best men

at legion-hall weddings

where fights break out,

or lugubriously intoned

over freshly dug graves.


So mellifluous a work

I’ll be assigned in high school English

where students are required to memorize a poem;

like force fed geese, 

fattened up

so their livers pass the grade.


But then I stumble upon a poem

so simple, trenchant, and unexpected,

and with so exquisite an ending

it leaves me breathless.

A closing line

as final as a bank vault door,

2 tons of solid steel

thudding shut.

Yet as ambiguous as the aftertaste 

of a vintage wine

prized for its complexity,

a late ripening Cab

sipped from Baccarat crystal.


Something as simple 

as a cold plum,

as particular

as a small queen’s untimely fall. 



Two good poems. William Carlos Williams’ This Is Just to Say, and Billy Collins’ Snow Day. So I don’t really hate poetry.  … Just most of it!

(Both poems can be found below, copied-and-pasted from the Poetry Foundation website.)

I love how in Williams, such simple language shoulders so much weight. He feels no need to impress with big words, no need to hold the reader’s hand with a big song and dance of a backstory (an attentive reader appreciates the trust), and writes with marvellous economy and compression. The reader is allowed — invited — to read into it, make it her own. 

Snow Day has a delightful whimsy that perfectly matches its subject. I love Collin’s conversational tone, the simple vernacular language that makes his work so accessible. (Although he prefers the term “hospitable”, and I once heard him tell an interviewer that the reason he dislikes “accessible” is because it sounds too much like a highway on-ramp!) He has the impish wit of his Irish ancestors:  a dry humour spoken in a wryly bemused voice. The ending — the sudden malignant turn, the dark side of girlhood — lands perfectly. Again, the precisely honed economy of words that final line exemplifies is what makes his poetry so enviable, so admired by both general readers and aspiring poets: every word carefully considered, all the fat culled. His powers of observation are equally admirable: after my first reading, I never forgot that image of “the dog porpois[ing] through the drifts”   … actually, (said with another wink and nod) so good I plagiarized it a few times!   He is not promiscuous with his line breaks, not insecure enough to leave a sentence dangling just to appear “poetical”. Rather, he uses them for emphasis:  to take advantage the prominence of being last in a line confers on a word — the built-in pause that makes it linger just a bit — and to give the fragment its intended emphasis. (Aren’t line breaks —  the freedom to end a line in the middle of a sentence — really all that separates poetry from prose?)  You will note how gently but effectively he returns to the martial metaphor that runs through the poem, and which not only helps cinch it tight, but helps give the ending its weight. Because without that foreshadowing, those last lines might seem like cheating: a contrived turn just to be provocative.

The best example of how brevity in a poem works is this famous single line piece (often attributed to Hemingway, but — Hemingway-esque as it is — is actually of anonymous origin):

For sale: baby shoes; never worn. 

And for someone like me, who tends far too much toward prolixity, such examples are necessary: excellent correctives I would do well to return to time and again. 

(I have to add that I do love the presence of a semi-colon in that single line poem: any regular reader will recognize how fond I am of them. And unapologetically so!)


This Is Just To Say

WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS


I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox


and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast


Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold


Snow Day

BILLY COLLINS


Today we woke up to a revolution of snow,   

its white flag waving over everything,

the landscape vanished,

not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness,   

and beyond these windows


the government buildings smothered,

schools and libraries buried, the post office lost   

under the noiseless drift,

the paths of trains softly blocked,

the world fallen under this falling.


In a while, I will put on some boots

and step out like someone walking in water,   

and the dog will porpoise through the drifts,   

and I will shake a laden branch

sending a cold shower down on us both.


But for now I am a willing prisoner in this house,   

a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow.   

I will make a pot of tea

and listen to the plastic radio on the counter,   

as glad as anyone to hear the news


that the Kiddie Corner School is closed,   

the Ding-Dong School, closed.

the All Aboard Children’s School, closed,   

the Hi-Ho Nursery School, closed,

along with—some will be delighted to hear—


the Toadstool School, the Little School,

Little Sparrows Nursery School,

Little Stars Pre-School, Peas-and-Carrots Day School   

the Tom Thumb Child Center, all closed,

and—clap your hands—the Peanuts Play School.


So this is where the children hide all day,

These are the nests where they letter and draw,   

where they put on their bright miniature jackets,   

all darting and climbing and sliding,

all but the few girls whispering by the fence.


And now I am listening hard

in the grandiose silence of the snow,

trying to hear what those three girls are plotting,   

what riot is afoot,

which small queen is about to be brought down.