Perfect Faith
Feb 16 2010


If you are asked
“Do you believe in God?”
you cannot ask
“Does God believe in me?”
Because then you are moving from perfect faith
to bargaining,
the expectation
of something in return.
In a way, holding out
for better terms.

And you cannot ask
“Please God, do this for me.”
Because the purpose of prayer
is not supplication.
Rather, you must celebrate, and praise
His works,
looking out
on the beauty of the world
with awe
and gratitude.

And you cannot ask
“Why, God, do good men suffer?”
Because, we are told
His is ineffable,
His vision beyond us,
His plan
incomprehensible.
And besides all that
we were granted free will.
So we must live with the consequence of choice,
each constructing
her own version of Hell.

I never ask, or tell.
I demand proof,
believe in coincidence,
am humble enough to conceive
of a universe
indifferent to myself.
Not that I have answers
to the mystery of consciousness.
Or whether death is like birth;
except moving from light
back to the dark.
I can live with uncertainty,
pursuing meaning
as I do happiness —
never expecting to reach it
content with the process.
I am even suspicious of love,
having learned too much
of chemistry;
of oxytocin, and dopamine
and the triumph of hope.

This is the burden
of non-believers
and nihilists,
why we so much need
to be comforted.
Why we, who are incapable of faith
sometimes envy them
their surrender,
forgetting how much
the faithful struggle.
Because it could not be called “faith”
if it wasn’t inextricably coupled
with doubt.